Story time!

The title is quite literal, I’m gonna be posting chapters of my story on here for you guys! It’s not very good but yeah! Keep your eyes out for Chapter One!

Email Launch!

Hey guys, here’s a short post to let you know I now have an email up and running for this account! Thisnisnup for anybody that wants to talk (about anything and everything), anybody who needs to talk, writing comments or advice or questions and collab plans. Anything at all really! 

It is:

darklingxox919@gmail.com

Scary Stuff

Hey, guys. How have you all been? In all honestly, I have been much better. So, I broke down today in school and it’s got to be something that made me think.

I haven’t exactly been the best person at the moment, or for the last year or so really. I haven’t been okay for a while and my friend saw that first-hand today.  I broke down for an hour, I still don’t feel right now really. I didn’t go to one lesson because of it, the teacher understood but my friend suggested I need to get help.

I told them everything. How I wasn’t suicidal, I could never take my life but if a car was coming towards me I don’t know if I’d step out the way, how I’d been feeling like this for over a year now. How much effort it was taking for me to even do things and how I can’t most times, how my attendance has slipped to under 80% in these past years because I couldn’t get out of bed. How I tried to talk about it with a parent and got shouted at. I couldn’t stop it, I tried and tried but I can’t.

So, he suggested that I get help. Insisted I do even though I don’t believe that it will help. He’s going to come with me to get a counselling appointment in school to see if it helps. I was referred to see her two years ago by a teacher, I didn’t go but this time. I need to. That’s what my friend says, I hardly cry in front of people and because I cried and broke down in school he’s adamant.

It’s scary. I’ve been okay, as okay as I have been able to be, handling this on my own and now to talk to someone? It’s a big, scary step and I don’t know if I can do it but I’m going to try because well, I don’t like my life right now and if not for me then for him, because he cares about me so much and I can’t let him keep worrying.

Honestly, I’m terrified. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know whether it will help and, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m terrified.

So, yeah. My little rambles finished now I guess right? Well, for now at least. I’ll keep you guys posted and I have some ideas for new blogs so keep your eye on this site! Thank you for being so patient with me and I love you all, I’m here for any of you. I’ll be posting an email up for you to email into me to talk, for advice, ideas, collabs or anything more really!

I love you guys. 

Bye for now,
                     Darkling xox

Apology

I have something that you guys deserve and that’s an..I’m sorry.
I really am.
I know I haven’t been keeping up with what I’m saying I’m going to do and trust me, I feel horrible about it.
So, this is an apology for it and I know that doesn’t make up for anything really because..yeah…
I just haven’t been feeling good, I’ve been feeling as though I’m underwater with weights pulling me down and I don’t know where from or why.
That’s a crappy reason I know but..I apologise and I doubt I’ll be writing anytime soon either. I don’t have any motivation to.

Darkling xox

Month O’Blog – Day 3

Hey guys, this is day 3 of Month O’Blog and I know it’s up late but until recently I haven’t known how to answer the prompt I was given. 

Who or what do I admire and why?

This was difficult to answer until I had time to really think because honestly, I admire a few different people for more than one reason each. 

However, the more I think about it the more I realise in these past months is that there has been one person that I have looked up to and admired the most, even though it can be from afar (in a totally not creepy way). This would be one of my best friends, Danny (fake name). I don’t think I realised I was doing it as much as I was but..I had been, and looking back, alot more than I previously thought I had. 

Take for example in school. We don’t always hang out because we have more or less a difference in friendship groups that makes it hard but..I mean this in the most non-creepy way, I found myself watching them and envious, admiring how they can do things that seem impossible or even frightening for me to even think about doing. This is such as socailising and the way they’ve made new people to talk to.

Another thing that I admire about them is their passion, they have so much of it for what they do and honestly, I don’t feel that for alot of things I do. I’m struggling to feel it at all for most things recently. They are so good at most things, they were the ones who got me into cosplay and are one of the only reasons I feel confident enough to go outside without being awkward (more than I already am) and help me get my cosplay in wearing conditions (such as wig styling). They have art which they excel at and other things which they are honestly so good at and, really, I’m completely envious at that because I don’t have something I’m really good at. 

It sounds stupid,  the last reason I’m going to tell you may sound stupid but I struggle to express my emotions, even when I am in the company of myself. They can express them through crying and laughing or being angry and, I don’t feel like I can. I put a smile as a bottle cap on and just shove them down, mainly because I can’t understand them or how to deal with them in a healthy way like crying. 

So, I hope you like this post and leave a like or comment on who you admire and why or what you thought or whatever you want to really! 

Bye for now –

                         Darkling xox

Month O’blog – Day One

Hey, guys! This is my blogging challenge for January, the first month. If you didn’t know I’m doing an Ultimate Blogging Challenge for the whole of January. (I have explained it in this post: Blog O’Month

So, following this I would like to wish you all a Happy New Year! Make this one a good one to remember!  *Throws glitter, baloons drop*

So. I have made some yearly goals to accomplish by December 30th 2017.

  • Bake more things to improve skills other than cookies.
  • Start to learn another language.
  • Spend more time with friends and family.
  • Get fitter (run once a week for example).
  • Start to learn a new language. 

This concludes my first Month O’Blog and I hope you guys tune in to read the rest! 

Happy New Year! 

Bye for now –

                         Darkling xox

Month O’Blog

Hey guys! Since 2017 is just around the corner I’m going to start something up for the first month. I’ve signed up for the January Ultimate Blogging Challenge where (presumably) I get  emailed ideas on each day I have to write about on here for you guys.

This will start from January first and I am excited to do this for all of January, I hope you guys find it just as fun! I have no idea what I am going to be writing about so this is just as much of a surprise for me as it will be for you!

The link will be at the bottom of this post if any of you guys want to do it aswell!  Let me know in the comments if you do decide to!

Also, I’m thinking about collabing or maybe getting someone to write a guest post on my account from someone, anyone that follows me interested? Let me know in the comments!

Anyway, bye guys and have an amazing new year, 2017 and the rest of the days leading up to it! 

Bye for now – 
                           Darkling xox


Link to the Ultimate Blogging Challenge –
http://ultimateblogchallenge.com/

Darkness

Darkness is something that I welcome, it doesn’t bother me to sit in it or be in it. It’s almost like a blanket, in the day you have to deal with so many things. You get people who you don’t want to socialise with, everyday little things such as a bus running late or a phone freezing that gets on your nerves and wears you down so by the end of the day, with them and fifteen thousand other things included, leaves you drained.

Darkness often doesn’t welcome that. It brings a sense of serenity and peacefulness that is lost in the mad rush of day to day routine and life. It can make it seem as if, just for a moment, that the world has stopped spinning or that time has stopped altogether. For me, that’s kinda peaceful. Sure, I may sometimes get lost in thoughts or I can be up doing stuff like reading or on my laptop but whatever it is, time slows and doesn’t matter for just a few hours.

Although it can create peace and calmness, an illusion that you have time to spare, it can also create deep contemplation and often leads to pain. I’m not saying that this happens every night  but, a lot of nights this has been the case for me recently.

I thought I had my life more figured out than this, I thought I could be happy and live in the moment and not over think but..I can’t. I am happy, there is no doubt that when I smile and laugh most of them are genuine because I have amazing friends who do genuinely make me smile just by their voice or presence but, as much as I am happy I feel a settling numbness that sinks in me during these hours.

No, numbness is the wrong word to use, I still feel things deeply but it’s all subdued, like a pressure has settled itself over me and there’s no way out. I don’t know whether this is physical pressure or mental but..it’s there and I feel it. More often than I would like to admit. It’s the thing that stops me from smiling easily, from laughing, from doing anything because I just don’t have the motivation to. For anything.

Like the start of the blog said though, it is something that can bring me great serenity or deep contemplation, sometimes a mixture of both. It’s freeing how something so..dark, so powerful can have so many ways of being seen that it can even bring light and hope and some good to the world and to people.

I guess this blog was for me to ramble, a way that, by the end of it, showed that even the darkest thing can still be a sense of hope for people and for myself.

– Darkling

It’s a bit late for the New Year..

It’s a bit late for New Year.
It’s a bit late to make those promises to yourself to change in one way or another.
A diet, love life, money and jobs.

I remember I never did New Years Resolutions as a child, everyone would have to say one in school that they made like ‘to start football’ or ‘learn a new language’, most of which weren’t completed, and when it was my turn I would shrug and say I didn’t make one or use the excuse of ‘get better handwriting’. I think the teachers knew my answers after a while.

However, at this age I still don’t really. I don’t set resolutions and promises for the year as much as just try to make the year good and don’t get me wrong, this one has been amazing! I’ve been to new places and met people who I wouldn’t otherwise, grown closer to people and more but..in so many ways this year has been such a roller coaster and I feel like I need to do something to make the ride more stable because as much as the up is fun, the down feels like crashing and burning.

Last year wasn’t the best by far, and this year looks to be going down hill with some things but it’s also going up with others. I think I need to change. Not fully, not become a new person but change to be better in aspects and learn to appreciate that I matter and to open my mouth at times to defend myself, even if there might be consequences.

So, that’s why, for the remainder of next year and hopefully the years to come, I, Darkling, am going to make positive changes to aspects of my life until I am happy with where I stand in it. It might not be fast progress, not at all, but it will be progress no less and even through doing that, I’m making a positive impact on my life. 

I, Darkling, have decided to do this and make a positive change to myself and my life, using my blog to record them, update you and get inspiration, advice and tips from other bloggers and my fabulous followers. 

That’s all for this post and if any of you are going through anything and want to talk, want to talk in general, have any tips or anything I’ll be posting an email I made months ago in my bio so just message me. 

Like if you liked, share and comment what you thought, inspiring quotes or things and any tips or experiences you feel you want to share! 

Bye for now- 
                      Darkling xox

It’s summer time! 

Hey there guys, it’s that fabulous time of year when the birds come out at ridiculous times in the morning, the heat rises and socailising is pressed onto many people! Isnt that great? 

Okay, so as you can see summer isn’t my favourite time of year due to a number of factors but I know it isn’t as bad as I described (sometimes). 

Let’s be abit jumpy with this post meaning some paragraphs might not flow into the next one, but you’re okay with that, right?

Summer. As described before, and by me being an introvert, summer isnt my ideal time. It makes me feel like I’m going to melt into a puddle of sweat (attractive right?) and gives me alot of spare time to procrastinate with. Not to mention that socailising is pushed onto people more than usual due to the amount of now free time. This isn’t all bad but over socailising leves me exhausted and frankly, dead to the outside world. 

However, living near a beach this gives me the perfect opportunity to catch a tan (if the weather is nice and not temperamental like most British weather), and swim in the sea with friends. The weather can be good sometimes as excessive eating of ice cream is considered a socail norm and more tea, as a hot drink for hot weather, is always a plus. 

This summer though I want to be different, I want it to be fun and full of things that’ll make me smile when I look back on it. Something worth remembering. That’s why I’ve set some goals if you like, one already of being done! 

My first goal was to male atleast one new friend which in my previous post tells you guys I actually made a few. 

The second goal, get a tan and not a burn. This is majorly important as last time I tried to I burned and it wasn’t nice. 

Third goal: Spend some time with my friends, atleast once a week.

Fourth goal is to go on atleast 2 adventures out to places with people you care about. The more you go on the better.  

And last but not least to find a skill, something I love to do and learn and practise it. I currently have no skill I am super talented at and love so I want to do that. 

I think I may add another, which is to upload on here more frequently and talk about anything and everything! What do you think? Got anything you want to hear me talk about?

So, that’s my summer plans and goals, you guys have any of your own? Have you got anything you want me to blog about in the future? Or share any of my goals? Let me know in the comments!

Like if you liked, comment ypur opinion on this post or whatever you want to and share!

Bye for now,

Darkling xox