Scary Stuff

Hey, guys. How have you all been? In all honestly, I have been much better. So, I broke down today in school and it’s got to be something that made me think.

I haven’t exactly been the best person at the moment, or for the last year or so really. I haven’t been okay for a while and my friend saw that first-hand today.  I broke down for an hour, I still don’t feel right now really. I didn’t go to one lesson because of it, the teacher understood but my friend suggested I need to get help.

I told them everything. How I wasn’t suicidal, I could never take my life but if a car was coming towards me I don’t know if I’d step out the way, how I’d been feeling like this for over a year now. How much effort it was taking for me to even do things and how I can’t most times, how my attendance has slipped to under 80% in these past years because I couldn’t get out of bed. How I tried to talk about it with a parent and got shouted at. I couldn’t stop it, I tried and tried but I can’t.

So, he suggested that I get help. Insisted I do even though I don’t believe that it will help. He’s going to come with me to get a counselling appointment in school to see if it helps. I was referred to see her two years ago by a teacher, I didn’t go but this time. I need to. That’s what my friend says, I hardly cry in front of people and because I cried and broke down in school he’s adamant.

It’s scary. I’ve been okay, as okay as I have been able to be, handling this on my own and now to talk to someone? It’s a big, scary step and I don’t know if I can do it but I’m going to try because well, I don’t like my life right now and if not for me then for him, because he cares about me so much and I can’t let him keep worrying.

Honestly, I’m terrified. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know whether it will help and, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m terrified.

So, yeah. My little rambles finished now I guess right? Well, for now at least. I’ll keep you guys posted and I have some ideas for new blogs so keep your eye on this site! Thank you for being so patient with me and I love you all, I’m here for any of you. I’ll be posting an email up for you to email into me to talk, for advice, ideas, collabs or anything more really!

I love you guys. 

Bye for now,
                     Darkling xox

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