The End

This will be the end of the blog. I do not want to continue doing something that is nameless and this name doesn’t fit me anymore. So, I’ll be changing. Starting over again. 

Thank you to those who read my blog in its short life. I love you all. I’ll put a link to my new blog in a post but then that will be it. 

Goodbye.

Darkling xox

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Story time!

The title is quite literal, I’m gonna be posting chapters of my story on here for you guys! It’s not very good but yeah! Keep your eyes out for Chapter One!

Email Launch!

Hey guys, here’s a short post to let you know I now have an email up and running for this account! Thisnisnup for anybody that wants to talk (about anything and everything), anybody who needs to talk, writing comments or advice or questions and collab plans. Anything at all really! 

It is:

darklingxox919@gmail.com

Scary Stuff

Hey, guys. How have you all been? In all honestly, I have been much better. So, I broke down today in school and it’s got to be something that made me think.

I haven’t exactly been the best person at the moment, or for the last year or so really. I haven’t been okay for a while and my friend saw that first-hand today.  I broke down for an hour, I still don’t feel right now really. I didn’t go to one lesson because of it, the teacher understood but my friend suggested I need to get help.

I told them everything. How I wasn’t suicidal, I could never take my life but if a car was coming towards me I don’t know if I’d step out the way, how I’d been feeling like this for over a year now. How much effort it was taking for me to even do things and how I can’t most times, how my attendance has slipped to under 80% in these past years because I couldn’t get out of bed. How I tried to talk about it with a parent and got shouted at. I couldn’t stop it, I tried and tried but I can’t.

So, he suggested that I get help. Insisted I do even though I don’t believe that it will help. He’s going to come with me to get a counselling appointment in school to see if it helps. I was referred to see her two years ago by a teacher, I didn’t go but this time. I need to. That’s what my friend says, I hardly cry in front of people and because I cried and broke down in school he’s adamant.

It’s scary. I’ve been okay, as okay as I have been able to be, handling this on my own and now to talk to someone? It’s a big, scary step and I don’t know if I can do it but I’m going to try because well, I don’t like my life right now and if not for me then for him, because he cares about me so much and I can’t let him keep worrying.

Honestly, I’m terrified. I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know whether it will help and, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m terrified.

So, yeah. My little rambles finished now I guess right? Well, for now at least. I’ll keep you guys posted and I have some ideas for new blogs so keep your eye on this site! Thank you for being so patient with me and I love you all, I’m here for any of you. I’ll be posting an email up for you to email into me to talk, for advice, ideas, collabs or anything more really!

I love you guys. 

Bye for now,
                     Darkling xox

Apology

I have something that you guys deserve and that’s an..I’m sorry.
I really am.
I know I haven’t been keeping up with what I’m saying I’m going to do and trust me, I feel horrible about it.
So, this is an apology for it and I know that doesn’t make up for anything really because..yeah…
I just haven’t been feeling good, I’ve been feeling as though I’m underwater with weights pulling me down and I don’t know where from or why.
That’s a crappy reason I know but..I apologise and I doubt I’ll be writing anytime soon either. I don’t have any motivation to.

Darkling xox

Month O’Blog – Day 3

Hey guys, this is day 3 of Month O’Blog and I know it’s up late but until recently I haven’t known how to answer the prompt I was given. 

Who or what do I admire and why?

This was difficult to answer until I had time to really think because honestly, I admire a few different people for more than one reason each. 

However, the more I think about it the more I realise in these past months is that there has been one person that I have looked up to and admired the most, even though it can be from afar (in a totally not creepy way). This would be one of my best friends, Danny (fake name). I don’t think I realised I was doing it as much as I was but..I had been, and looking back, alot more than I previously thought I had. 

Take for example in school. We don’t always hang out because we have more or less a difference in friendship groups that makes it hard but..I mean this in the most non-creepy way, I found myself watching them and envious, admiring how they can do things that seem impossible or even frightening for me to even think about doing. This is such as socailising and the way they’ve made new people to talk to.

Another thing that I admire about them is their passion, they have so much of it for what they do and honestly, I don’t feel that for alot of things I do. I’m struggling to feel it at all for most things recently. They are so good at most things, they were the ones who got me into cosplay and are one of the only reasons I feel confident enough to go outside without being awkward (more than I already am) and help me get my cosplay in wearing conditions (such as wig styling). They have art which they excel at and other things which they are honestly so good at and, really, I’m completely envious at that because I don’t have something I’m really good at. 

It sounds stupid,  the last reason I’m going to tell you may sound stupid but I struggle to express my emotions, even when I am in the company of myself. They can express them through crying and laughing or being angry and, I don’t feel like I can. I put a smile as a bottle cap on and just shove them down, mainly because I can’t understand them or how to deal with them in a healthy way like crying. 

So, I hope you like this post and leave a like or comment on who you admire and why or what you thought or whatever you want to really! 

Bye for now –

                         Darkling xox

Month O’Blog – Day 2

Hey, guys! Day 2 (yes I know I’m posting late but shh, sleep and school starting back and an exam) of Month O’Blog and today I will be answering a question.

Why did I start blogging? 

That’s actually a good question. I started blogging because of a friend really, they started up a blog that made me think that ‘Hey, that’d be cool’ and because I decided to keep it anonymous I could also rant and rave about emotions and anything I feel like I want to.

Blogging has become a way that I can express my emotions freely and helps me feel better about myself. It let’s me reflect on what I feel and even feel like I’m not that alone or isolated as I previously felt before getting my emotions out on a blog post to you guys.

I know I’m not the most continuous blogger with regular updates but I would rather post when something is worth posting about or to give quality content because I know, personally, if I had a set time to post that I  would not or they wouldn’t be up to the standards my usual blogs are.

I started because of the fact that I could ramble and rave and maybe help people if they feel the same or even be a source of amusement to some people. Well, that was a little of it most of it was started for mainly selfish reasons as it allowed me to rant and rave but hey! I changed since then and I couldn’t be more thankful for all of you that follow me and take time to read my posts because you mean the world to me!

Hope you enjoyed this blog, leave a like and a comment to tell me why you started blogging! 

Bye for now – 
                        Darkling xox

Month O’blog – Day One

Hey, guys! This is my blogging challenge for January, the first month. If you didn’t know I’m doing an Ultimate Blogging Challenge for the whole of January. (I have explained it in this post: Blog O’Month

So, following this I would like to wish you all a Happy New Year! Make this one a good one to remember!  *Throws glitter, baloons drop*

So. I have made some yearly goals to accomplish by December 30th 2017.

  • Bake more things to improve skills other than cookies.
  • Start to learn another language.
  • Spend more time with friends and family.
  • Get fitter (run once a week for example).
  • Start to learn a new language. 

This concludes my first Month O’Blog and I hope you guys tune in to read the rest! 

Happy New Year! 

Bye for now –

                         Darkling xox

Month O’Blog

Hey guys! Since 2017 is just around the corner I’m going to start something up for the first month. I’ve signed up for the January Ultimate Blogging Challenge where (presumably) I get  emailed ideas on each day I have to write about on here for you guys.

This will start from January first and I am excited to do this for all of January, I hope you guys find it just as fun! I have no idea what I am going to be writing about so this is just as much of a surprise for me as it will be for you!

The link will be at the bottom of this post if any of you guys want to do it aswell!  Let me know in the comments if you do decide to!

Also, I’m thinking about collabing or maybe getting someone to write a guest post on my account from someone, anyone that follows me interested? Let me know in the comments!

Anyway, bye guys and have an amazing new year, 2017 and the rest of the days leading up to it! 

Bye for now – 
                           Darkling xox


Link to the Ultimate Blogging Challenge –
http://ultimateblogchallenge.com/

Darkness

Darkness is something that I welcome, it doesn’t bother me to sit in it or be in it. It’s almost like a blanket, in the day you have to deal with so many things. You get people who you don’t want to socialise with, everyday little things such as a bus running late or a phone freezing that gets on your nerves and wears you down so by the end of the day, with them and fifteen thousand other things included, leaves you drained.

Darkness often doesn’t welcome that. It brings a sense of serenity and peacefulness that is lost in the mad rush of day to day routine and life. It can make it seem as if, just for a moment, that the world has stopped spinning or that time has stopped altogether. For me, that’s kinda peaceful. Sure, I may sometimes get lost in thoughts or I can be up doing stuff like reading or on my laptop but whatever it is, time slows and doesn’t matter for just a few hours.

Although it can create peace and calmness, an illusion that you have time to spare, it can also create deep contemplation and often leads to pain. I’m not saying that this happens every night  but, a lot of nights this has been the case for me recently.

I thought I had my life more figured out than this, I thought I could be happy and live in the moment and not over think but..I can’t. I am happy, there is no doubt that when I smile and laugh most of them are genuine because I have amazing friends who do genuinely make me smile just by their voice or presence but, as much as I am happy I feel a settling numbness that sinks in me during these hours.

No, numbness is the wrong word to use, I still feel things deeply but it’s all subdued, like a pressure has settled itself over me and there’s no way out. I don’t know whether this is physical pressure or mental but..it’s there and I feel it. More often than I would like to admit. It’s the thing that stops me from smiling easily, from laughing, from doing anything because I just don’t have the motivation to. For anything.

Like the start of the blog said though, it is something that can bring me great serenity or deep contemplation, sometimes a mixture of both. It’s freeing how something so..dark, so powerful can have so many ways of being seen that it can even bring light and hope and some good to the world and to people.

I guess this blog was for me to ramble, a way that, by the end of it, showed that even the darkest thing can still be a sense of hope for people and for myself.

– Darkling